I tossed and turned last night wondering if I would receive yet another drunken phone call at 3 AM, from you stumbling around Tampa trying to get home on foot. Last weekend's was quite enough, with your story about getting mugged and stabbed. I imagine you lost your temper, dropped your phone, and when you got home in one of your suicidal fits, you tried cutting yourself again. I've seen you do it more than once. It's terrible I can't believe anything that comes out of your mouth - that is how much you lie. You lie about small, everyday things, and then you lie about the more important things - those are ones that get to me the most. I wonder how many other women you've slept with since January..and when I wonder it makes me sick to my stomach.
Look at me - here at 9:30 AM still tossing and turning in my own way, trying to settle down....this state of mind I am in is a mess. I know there are going to be bad days ahead, like last Friday night, when your depression overcame me. I have to be strong and not let it happen again, but I have to be realistic and know that it will.
After all I've done to you I'm sure you've got quite the lies about me. I'd hate to even know, as you lie about everyone. You lie about people you love, hate, dislike, fear, and tolerate. You lie about yourself, you lie to yourself. Don't you even feel the lies anymore, or have you told so many that it just feels natural? There is a thing called Karma whether you believe in it or not - it's catching up with you. I don't even have to lift a finger. I can't save you - only you can save yourself now.
There is good help out there that is either free, or at a reasonable cost, and you know that. You've tried it before - if you were telling me the truth to begin with back in December. Try it again.
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