In Reverse

I started this blog in June thinking I'd leave you - I'd step back and cut any ties that I had with you. And look at us now - a complete role reversal. Sometimes I step outside of myself and ask, "What are you doing? You're just going to be hurt again." I can't leave behind an entire year that easily - I don't know if we've come full circle...I'm still testing the waters very carefully. I take what you give me and don't ask for very much, and you've given so much lately? It confuses me - it's odd to be confused by kindness and caring. Am I like a wounded animal, accepting your kindness so very cautiously, in a defensive position?

A year ago you began showing your other side...things started to go downhill, and then up, and then down again finally leading to the events of last December. You've changed me in so many ways I cannot even write them all down, I cannot even fathom them all in my head. You've changed me in good ways, and in bad ways. I'm back to myself again, no longer weakened by my love for you, but instead I find strength that I realized that I could live without you.

Once I realized that I almost felt at peace...and then you waltzed back into my life again. We've spent every weekend together since the beginning of July. This is by your request - we've spent every Tuesday evening together in which you've made me dinner. You've asked me to live with you, and I have made 90% of the decision I need to make. I've told you I've already decided, and yes I have, but part of me, that wounded animal, hides in a corner wondering if it's the right decision.

I guess only time will tell. I'm diving in head first again. Do I need to change the name of this blog? Are we moving backwards (in reverse), or are we moving forward?