Let Go of the Past

I still cling to certain things, as foolish as it seems.

I look at her face and I seethe with the most primordial anger that must have been inherited from the days when humans were far less....graceful. I told her what I wanted to say for a year. Sure, it made me stoop closer to her level, but I despise her. I loathe her. I detest her. I wish I could erase her from my mind, from my internal map. But she is imprinted there.

Her name: Kristin. It makes me cringe. I meet a new Kristin with the same spelling and my mind pauses.

Images of her are strewn about on this map, like some sort of sick scrapbook album. I see that photo of her on your cell phone from a year ago. She dyed her hair brown.

I can still see that photo clearly in my mind..asleep in your bed. What frivolous, teenage thoughts must have been passing through her sleepy mind? Spare me, please. I slept in that same spot and I felt less intelligent for it, as if the imprint she left behind could suck out I.Q. points, one by one.

Why do I despise her more than the others? You lied to me all the same. She's only a different face, albeit an annoying juvenile face. I imagine the vapid conversations she maintains with her teeny under-twenty-one friends. I think of that annoying face she makes in all of the photos taken of her - that scrunching of her lips and eyes as if she's trying to smile, but instead looks as if she's about to implode.

I'll let go soon, or I fear for my sanity. Scorpios are known for their jealousy. I'm known for my lack of trust and natural ability to assume the worst. I keep thinking: you've lied to me before? Are you going to lie to me again? Do I look that foolish?

Let go of the past. Let go of her face, her whining, her childish ways..her muffin top. Let go.

I will, eventually.